The real accolade

For a long time I've been looking for the real answers for my doubts. Sometimes I understand the answer at the same time that I ask. Sometimes the doubts continue in me like a storm, in that I can't pay attention to the signals, in that I don't identify all the words that my God says to me, cause everything is out of order.There are a lot of tornados inside my mind: tornados of faith, of friendship, of love, tornados of fear. These kind of phenomena makes me feel like a place that is shaking all the time, receiving heavy things, sadness, deception. A place that is constantly devasted, and because of it can't rebuild itself.I know that the suffering goes until all we can bear, but it's hard to wait this time be gone, it's hard to control all the movements of our inside, it's hard to say to our heart that his daily affections that makes it be so dispirited will pass one day and not now.
It's hard to be human being, because at the most part of time we just see through our eyes of reason, we just perceive the "for what" while we are at the point to fell on the floor of defeat. We just go to God when we are in a deep need.
It's shameful that the most part of people go to God because of particular interests. It's shameful that the sons of God go to the Father saying like this: "father I love you, give me money?", father I need your promisse: "I want you to give me heaven, because I've been working hard for you, because I am at church every day. Then, you owe me the best place in heaven". It's terrible to listen to these absurds, because God owes nothing for you and for me, and he has been treated like anyone, that is usual just to make desires come true.
The Awesome God, that gave his Son to die for us, for love, have been treated like a none, like a "fairy of teeth" that takes some nickels that are under the pillow and gives a gift. God is not a magician, or a Peter Pan; He is God alone... the powerful that can gives everything, and more, but that has the own goal to take care of his princes and princesses, to give his love, to show the way we should go. All we need to accept is that without His grace nothing could be possible.
His biggest desire is to have all his people in heaven with Him.. is that his sons go back home: the obedients and the rebel, everybody, to be in eternal happiness, without suffering, without problems, without unanswered questions, withoud tornados or storms. Just with peace, and the grace of The Mighty God, having the real accolade.